You’ve seen the Sisters video by now by the Kloons, if not, click on it at the end of this blog. Funny stuff. And if you are a sister of a sister of a certain age you will love it even more.
Recently, I went to have an eye exam, and to purchase new glasses and contacts. Twinsie met me there to help me choose the right frames, but my exam took longer than expected. The following is the discussion to the best of my “Still Alice-esque” recall:
Twinsie: Oh, hey! Look at all these frames we picked out!
Me: The doc says I have the beginnings of glaucoma. Shitsky.
What? No way. Try these on. Okay, those look awesome.
What? Nope, I look like a McCoy in these, not that it’s a bad thing, but…think auntie old.
How about these? What did he say exactly.
That I have something going on with my pressure, and you know how when they take a picture of your eye and it looks like a red sunset with a bright yellow sun in it?
No. Sunset? Those look too safe on you. Too same old same old.
Yah, forget these. Well, anyway, he says that the sun part is slightly larger in the left eye than the right and there’s some “cupping” going on. Oooh, okay, I’m liking these.
Oh yah, those look awesome, I love them. But, you have to try on all of these, okay? Don’t buy the first pair you like. Cupping? What does that mean?
I have no idea, Beck. Just dang it, you know? Like, glaucoma, that’s an old person’s disease. An old person like these glasses make me look.
Well, you are gonna be a Nonnie (twinsie’s daughter Jay is having a baby girl in August, be still an old Auntie’s, I mean Nonnie’s heart.) True, but I don’t need to look the part. Oh God, what if I lose my sight and can’t see my great nieces and nephews and my grandchildren?
Stop that! Is that what he said? Try these.
Dear Lord, they are gigantic black and white checkered, hello? I look like the lady on the Old Navy commercials. do you want that? No, he said, not to worry. What the heck? I told him he was a total downer, I mean, I just need new glasses and contacts, you know? Oh, and my eyes are still dry. Whatev.
Try these. Hmmm, now these look interesting.
They sit on my cheeks, see? They move up when I smile, and so then the progressive part comes up and that’s so annoying. Aside from the fact that they will slide down my ski slope of a nose.
Stop! So, what’s the next step? Try these.
Seriously? Those are horrendous. Pass.
Whatever. Geez. These then.
Hey, did you ask BIL (code name for my brother-in-law, her husband) about going to see dad with Rick and me? Was he okay with it?
Oh yah, but I asked him this morning when he was still sort of sleeping. Oh, I love those. Let me take a picture and send them to him and Rick. Smile! What’s your access code for your phone, again?
The kids’ birth years. Well, you really need to make absolutely sure all is okay.
It’ll be okay. He wants me to see dad, too. This is our time, he knows that. I love those on you, Bon. Seriously. But, try on these.
Oh. My. God. Beckie, I look like someone with glaucoma in these. Geez. We are going to have so much fun driving with Rick! Yay!
I know! Well, I think we have a keeper, let’s see. Yikes, four hundred and ninety eight dollars for the frames alone.
Well, I’ve got glaucoma, so I’m thinking I deserve these.
Now, did he say you for sure had it? What’s the next step?
He said, I have the beginnings of it, and that it’s a wait and see thing. Another test in a couple weeks when my glasses come in.
One more pair.
No. I’m done now. I like these, what did BIL say?
Well, I wrote, “You like?” and he said, “Yes, but you and I are both taken.”
Haaaaaaaa! He cracks me UP! Ugh, Glaucoma. Whoda thought that?
It’ll be okay. Those look so good on you. You look beautiful, Bon. You really do. You don’t look like someone with glaucoma.