I wake in the morning and I have to slow my thoughts. There is so much I want to do in the wee hours. I want to walk the hills and paths at the doggie park by the river and watch Eugene splash around in the water, and sit and feel the early sun on my face. I want to write my blog, as a million ideas are chatting like a bunch of old ladies in my mind and heart, each speaking over the other to be heard. Of course, I want to play my sis-in-law and try to beat her on Words With Friends, and catch up with my friends on Facebook, and I could really do a little housework every morning…and soon I’ll be watering my flower gardens as I swat blood sucking mosquitos from my damp flesh. And I can’t do it all in the few hours I have before I go to work, so I have to choose, and it’s a close fight this morning between the ladies chatting in my head and the doggie park.
I used to take Brinkley to the doggie park a lot, and I can’t remember what was troubling me during a certain time, but it was late in a not very snowy winter, and so I bundled up, passed by the dog people with their cups of coffee steaming in their hands, and Brinkley and I would head down the steep rocky hill to settle on a stump at the water’s edge and I would sit for a long while with Brinkley beside me looking out over the cold water while the sun came up in earnest. And I would think.
I don’t remember now what was so troubling that I needed to meditate through it on the river those months, and it just goes to show that most things causing us to worry and be anxious do pass and are forgotten, even though they become part of who we are, just by having lived through them with a big yellow dog at our side, and a muddy river flowing unceasingly like time on a clock, or calendar pages floating lazily — discarded one month at a time — to the ground.
Today, I chose the blog and my abs and strength training exercises. I simply don’t have time to do both the blog and the doggie park/walk and exercise and get to work at a decent hour. When I started my blog which was exactly three months ago today, now with 74 blog posts (not including this one), 4205 hits, and 69 bloggers following along with another 20 or so non bloggers, I realized early on that I would not be able to get my blog written and my exercise or dog walking in and get to work at my usual hour, so I delayed my start time by one hour, and that seems to be working. Except when it’s busy and so I need to drop something else here to get there… And so the beat goes on.
The choices I made today will impact many different things — my physical health, my emotional health, my doggie’s health, my writing health. And those are just the ones that I CAN choose from, some I am unable to make a choice about because they are there and I must take care of them because I am the one to do it. Like a very busy shop, and payroll, and flowers wilting in a summer drought. And yes, the beat goes on…and isn’t it wonderful?
I’m so grateful for this blog and for the people who take the time to read it. A couple of days ago a beautiful woman stopped me to tell me that she reads my blog everyday and had not connected it to me. She just read this “person’s” blog and it turned out to be a familiar stranger with whom she has many common connections and now the blog is another. I got goose bumples all down my arms and legs as she was talking to me, because it was amazing that this person related to what I’m writing so much that she looks forward to reading it everyday. She told me a lot of other complimentary things, but I honestly can’t remember them all right now, I just know that it made me feel like what I’m doing is relevant to more than just me, and worth more than just my time. It’s worth hers.